Porn is love you can see.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
