Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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