my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
