The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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