Already got asked if we're dating
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
