We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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