In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
