Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
