You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
