I met the friendliest cop last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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