You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
