I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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