What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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