I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
