Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize