Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
