i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize