Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
