do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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