Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dicks are not precious.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
