We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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