new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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