glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
