5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
