that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
