Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
