How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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