Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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