I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
