Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
