i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
