someone get that fucking seahorse.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
