I puked a lego.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
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quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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