The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
