So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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