I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm both gender and math confused
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
