Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
