I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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