well I can't set my house on fire every night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
