Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
