it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
