DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
