dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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