the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
