woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He shit in the fireplace
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
