need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
