did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
