I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
