I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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