bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
