This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
