I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
