Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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