Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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