So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she looked like the before picture.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
