someone threw a dead crab at me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
