Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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