Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
