I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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