Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Boobs speak an international language.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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